Thursday, April 15, 2010

Fruitless hunts, blogs and newspapers

Dear Blog:

I've been cheating on you.

I know you suspected something was going on because it's been 11 days since I caressed you with a new blog post.

But I swear there's a good reason for it! Read more...
See, I've been doing this freelance work. No, really, I have evidence - check out this story in today's Sacramento Bee. It's about pig hunting.

I would've put the story of that pig hunt on your lovely black page, but honestly, nothing happened. I was with Phillip, and it seems whenever I go hunting with him anymore, I don't see any damn pigs. I can only write so many stories about not getting anything before this starts feeling like an endless re-run of Tred Barta's show.

But hey, I can turn an unproductive pig hunt into a newspaper story no problem!

Anyway, dear Blog, you should check out this pig story: It's already 2 p.m., and there is not one single negative comment on it! No one calling me a cruel, cold-hearted bitch for killing poor defenseless wild animals. Isn't that weird?

I'm thinking it's one of three things:

1) The public is accepting hunting much more these days.

2) No one cares if you kill a pig because they're scraggly and dirty.

3) The readers noticed that I didn't actually kill a pig, so they doubt that I have the skills to be a cruel, cold-hearted bitch.

No, Blog, no! I'm not trying to distract you. I'll get back to posting more often as soon as I'm out of the weeds. One more freelance piece to do, a little more craziness at my day job, and then everything will be right as rain.

I promise.

© Holly A. Heyser 2010


SimplyOutdoors said...

Great story in the Bee, Holly. Sorry to hear that you didn't come home with any pork.

And - I'm being completely selfish here - but I really do wish you'd stop cheating on your blog. I was starting to have withdrawals.

Holly Heyser said...

Awwww, that is terribly kind of you! It's been killing me, especially when there's stuff I've wanted to write, but couldn't find time.

My next freelance piece involves an unsuccessful pig hunt with Phillip too. Hoping to actually see a pig soon, at least.

gary said...

I've thought about talking to our blog a few times, but it scares me of what it might tell me in return. Had a grandfather who 'talked to the trees' and a dear little wife that 'paints her wagon', but conversing with ones blog, now thats a totally new thought.

All good hunts don't need a kill, but it does help when you're hungry.

benedict1 said...

Not to worry Holly--Stater Bros. has a great sale on pork chops this weekend. And you save the ammo! On the other hand, whacking your own barbecue project is neat. It would sure give Hank a whole new avenue to trod for a couple of weeks. Hmm, what do you do with the tail and the ears? Tacos?(It's pretty early in the AM and I'm still not awake. That's my excuse for this nonsense.)
Yes, it is pretty amazing that you have gotten no threatening or insulting comments yet at the Bee website. They are probably going to hold a community protest instead. Don't let your guard down!

Phillip said...

Funny, and true... but, OUCH.

How this dry streak on pigs came to be my fault, I'll never understand. Seems odd, since it's been months since I've been on a fruitless pig hunt, then in two trips with you I see nada. Hmmm... who IS the jinx here?

Well, only one way to break the jinx... stay at it! We'll have to try again soon.

Oh yeah... nice article.

Holly Heyser said...

Well, Phillip, you're right on one thing: We've got to stay at it.

Of course, Hank was just as happy not to have to process a pig with all the other stuff he's got going on. But we've been hearing how fat they are this spring and we want a fat spring pig!!!!!

Gary: I don't usually talk to my blog, but it was feeling so neglected and I felt so guilty about it.

Walter: Saving on spendy non-lead ammo is especially good! And Hank has kept plenty busy - he broke down a whole goat yesterday and turned it into all sorts of delicious things for our annual Big Fat Greek Party on Saturday. Yum!

Albert Quackenbush said...

Great article, but like the others, sorry you weren't able to see a hog. You could be in my position and go out in the field with archery gear, see lots of hogs, but wind up seeing them at 150 yards! All in all every hunt is a great hunt in my opinion, but it's be even sweeter with some hog backstraps on the BBQ.

I thought it was great how you got Will's blog in there. Crack me up every time I read it.

Best of luck the next time you all go out. I look forward to a post about a successful hunt!

Lindsay said...

you gotta wear lipstick. Thats how to get them pigs. Any time I've been lucky fishing...or the few times I've been lucky pheasant hunting...its because of lipstick. I swear by it! Good Luck!


Bpaul said...

Extra points for (in my mind, the phrase predates the movie I'm sure) quoting from The Matrix.

Holly Heyser said...

Bpaul: I'm sure it predates the Matrix too, but I can always see the Oracle in her kitchen when I use that phrase now.

Lindsay: I HATE lipstick. I'll never be a successful hunter now :-(.

Bpaul said...

See, cooler than cool I tell ya.

Anonymous said...

Great story. You ain't been cheatin' if that's your day job.

My theory on wild boar meat vs. domestic pork is that they have more of living life and doing what they want packed within that muscle and bone.

The dry streak is temporary and just as much a part of hunting as the rest of it, but you already knew that.

My two cents,


Romeo Bravo said...

Great job of an article.
Best of luck for the pig hunt, veggie shoppers are counting on you to keep the price down.

The Hunter's Wife said...

Thank goodness I didn't miss anything while on vacation. Thought I might miss a good pig story. lol