So, a bear walked into a restaurant...

It was late Friday night, maybe around midnight. Hank and I were hanging out after hours at a restaurant in Truckee called Stella. We were drinking wine with Chef Jacob Burton and talking about the menu for Saturday's dinner - one of Hank's "Hunt, Gather, Cook" book events.

Then Chef looked up and said, "There's a bear in the kitchen."

He said it so calmly that it didn't register right away. I looked as a matter of courtesy, and

HO. LEE. SHIT! There's a bear in the kitchen!!!


He was about 10 yards from our table, and he looked big. His shoulders were several inches higher than the counter tops, and his head was huge. Just in case you're easily duped, I'll confess now that the photo above is a fake, but the proportions are just about right.

So what does one do in a situation like this?

I addressed him like I talk to my cats when they jump on the kitchen table. "Hey, get outta here!" I growled.

"No!" Chef said. "Let me get a picture!"

Clearly, he was insane, though I must admit I was kicking myself for leaving my camera in the hotel room.

The bear took a swipe at something we couldn't see, then thought better of his decision and backed out.

Chef and I, having no sense whatsoever, walked back toward the door. He was shooting video on his phone, but didn't get the bear in it. I caught just a glimpse through the back door of the bear slipping around a corner in the parking lot. The video ends with the camera pointing to the floor and Chef saying, "Oh no, my starter!"

The bear had taken one whiff of Chef's bucket of sourdough starter and decided it smelled yummy - no need for baking.

Coincidentally, Chef had been telling us how many times his starter had died when he had first joined the restaurant. And there it was, a goopy mess all over the floor.

"Uh, does this happen often?" I asked Chef.

"Nope, first time," he said.

I still can't figure out how the hell he managed to sound so calm.

It was a hell of a way to start the weekend. We told the story over and over for the next 24 hours, and while the denizens of Truckee are totally accustomed to the antics of black bears looking for easy food, our story never failed to elicit surprise.

And there was a happy ending: Mr. Bear didn't get all the starter, so Chef's sourdough - revered by patrons, we'd learn the next day - was safe.

© Holly A. Heyser 2011